Honey

We were left in a room on a boat. Its been a few days now and they have not fed us. We are starving. All I can really think about a bowl of soft, warm, sweet, white, rice. To help stop thinking about food I got to know my roommates. Ching Wu is 13, So So was 10, Ah Wei is 7 and Ah Ying is 5. Wei and Ying are sisters who are orphans from an orphanage not far from mine. They don't know what happened to their parents. So So was also from the same orphanage and her parents had given her up like mine. Ching Wu's parents had died when she was 10. Her aunt, who was raising her for the last 3 years, sold her off.

Suddenly that mean lady burst into the room holding a bottle of honey with a man following behind her.
"It is time to introduce myself. I'm Ying. You will all call me Ying Ma. As you well know, your mother and father hate you and that is why you are orphans. Out of the kindness of my heart I decided to take you into my care and..tsk..then give you off to someone else who wants you more." She smiles. "So from now on I will be the one who will feed you and give you a place to live and all you have to do in return is make me money." She smiles again. "So, your probably wondering why I haven't fulfilled my part in the bargain, food. WELL this is the start of your training." Ying Ma lifts up her arm and dangled the bottle of honey in the air and then places it on the table next to her. "It's supper time girls, Tao" She nudges her head "Get up here and drop your pants."

Burn

Finally, oh FINALLY someone came to open the crate. The sound of each nail being plied out of the wood never sounded so sweet, never sounded so beautiful. The anticipation for relief was so overwhelming that tears overflowed my eyes. The lid flew off, and light burst into the crate. My eyes burned trying to readjust. While squinting my eyes, I saw a black figure approach us. One by one the figure lifted us out of the crate and dropped us to the floor. Blood rushed up and down my body. The heat of my blood burned my leg and toes. I grimaced and groaned in agony. I lay on the ground wanting to move, wanting to see, but I was so paralyzed. I am a snail covered in salt.

Nails

How long has it been? 10 hours maybe 15? The doors finally opened. The fresh breeze filtered in. I closed my eyes. It must be a sign from heaven. I opened my eyes and I saw that woman by the door. I guess I was wrong. She told us to get out of the truck. One following another we got out. Finally I saw my faceless friends. Including myself there were 5 of us. 2 were younger than I was, 1 was around the same age, and the last girl was oldest.

We were at the pier. It was very dark out. If it wasn't from the ripples in the water, I wouldn't have been able to tell between the sky and the ocean.

Sitting in front of us was a medium sized crate. The woman told us to get in.
The crate suddenly looked smaller than it did a few seconds ago.

"What you think I have all night? Get in." The woman said as she nudged her head towards the crate.
The oldest girl said "But there’s five of us, we can't fit."
"Well make it fit. Don't see any other crates here do you?"
"But we just sat in the truck for so long, and I'm so hungry..." I whined
She walked over and slapped me.
"Didn't I tell you this before you rotten pig? You eat when I tell you to eat. I DON'T like to repeat myself." She slapped me again. "Get in NOW...ugh dealing with retards."
We each went in one after another. We folded ourselves as tightly as we could. Four of us had our backs to the wall. The youngest and smallest girl was placed in the middle which helped push ours knees in closer to our bodies.
My body was sore and the new sitting position started to hurt. All of us started to murmur and not before long, most of us were crying.
"I don’t want to hear any of your noises, you hear?" said the woman. “If I hear one whimper out of this box, I promise, I won't hit you." she smiled and paused. “I will just throw this crate out into the ocean and watch you drown”
I choked up my tears. We all fell silent, except for the little one who had a harder time. Two of us quickly covered her mouth.
"Good. I'll see you in a few hours." The woman put the lid over the crate, and, soon enough, we heard the nails hammered in. One. Two. Three. Four....

Pee

I wet myself. They wouldn't let us out. I couldn't wait any longer. The truck has barely stopped since I got on. The door has not opened once. My head was throbbing with pain. None of us spoke. We couldn't see each other, and there was nothing to say anyhow. We were all too frightened. With the cold getting colder, my faceless friends and I huddled together struggling to keep warm. I started to regret wetting myself. The stench started to swarm, but at least the pee was warm.

Morning

Ah Yee woke me up really early this morning. She said it's time to go. I could barely open my eyes and the sun has barely risen. She pulled my right elbow and dragged me out from under my sheets. The cold air raced up my stomach and spine. The prickling of my skin instantly danced around my body.
"Ah Yee, can't I go later? it’s too cold. It’s too early"
"Shut up you child. Spoiled rotten with your complaining."
Her grip on my elbow is stronger now. Her fingers turned into claws and I became her ragged doll. She pulled me outside where there was this small and dirty delivery truck waiting for me. Su su was in the driver’s seat. When he saw me he made this scornful scowl and said "Hurry up"
A woman came up to me and took my other arm. Ah Yee let go of me and the other woman dragged me to the back of the truck. She opened the door. It was dark and musty. My eyes readjusted and I could make out a few other girls were in there as well. Fear hurried through my head.

I can't go in. This isn't right. I can't go in. I can't go in. I can't go in.

The words raced through my mind over and over and over. So quickly. I couldn't think.

The woman forcefully told me to get in. When I didn't oblige she picked me up. I bent my back and screamed. I started to spatter uncontrollably "No, no!" She threw me onto the ground.

The initial impact of the fall silenced me. She came over me and slapped me hard three times.
"You listen to me. When I tell you eat, you eat. I tell you to shit, you shit. When I tell you to get into a truck, YOU get into the truck."

She grabbed my hair and pulled me up. She pushed me forward. "Get into the truck" I didn't move. I huddled closer into myself. I was so scared. It was so cold. She slapped me again. Then she immediately grabbed my hair and slammed my head against the door. "Get IN." She pushed my head forward and let go. I slowly climbed in. As she slammed the door closed, I heard her yell to Ah su "I thought you said you got a good one. She's a real bitch"

Su Su

He kept stroking me. My arm, my hair, my waist. I flinched the first time he touched my back but Ah Yee immediately smacked the right side of my head with her wood-stiff hands. He was nice to me though. After she hit me he told her that that wasn’t necessary. He glided the back of his hand against my left cheek, smiled and said “Such a nice girl. I’m so lucky, haven’t seen a good one like this in a long time. Such soft skin.” I felt pretty and I could feel myself blush. He gave me a large grin, turned his hand and gently pinched the apple of my cheek. Maybe Mother was crazy to give me up after all. I could tell Ah Yee was excited about the comment as well. Her dreary eyes suddenly gleamed with light. She rushed me back to my room. She said the adults needed to talk. While in my room, I couldn’t help myself. I quietly opened my door and peered out. I saw him and I could feel my heart leap out. There’s hope. He thinks I’m special. He likes me. Su su wants to take me to America.

America

None of the other girls will play with me. They leave when I sit with them or they spit on my shoes. It’s because I’m Ah Yee favorite. She gives me the most food. She said that she wants a pretty girl like me fat. I don’t really want to be fat but she hits my fingers with her chopsticks if I don’t finish my rice. She said she needs me to be presentable. When I asked her who I would be seeing, Ah Yee said that little girls should not be so nosy. I wish the other girls would talk to me, but Ah Yee told me not to worry. I will be leaving soon. She said I’m going to America. I heard everyone is beautiful there and there’s a lot of women who can’t have babies and is more than happy to adopt girls from China. Maybe I can be one of those girls. Maybe there will be a mother who wants me.

No Name

I would be staying at Ah Yee’s for a while. Her head down, Mother took the red envelope from Ah Yee’s hand. She won’t look at me. She refuses to see my tears. As she walked out the door, I imagined myself calling for her, begging for her to take me back. But even my imagination knew. Mother was pregnant and Grandma has been telling her for years that there’s no use for a girl in the family. I’m no longer their child. I can’t carry their name. I am nameles