Sick

It's been a while since I've talked about my journey. I apologize I have been quite ill. After some more training sessions like that of spoke of in my previous entry, well, I threw up every time. Ying Ma would hit me every time I did it too. She smushed my face in my own sick sometimes . Chai Su was the man we were training on. He also hit me sometimes too. I had a fever on the third day. I still had to train. Ying Ma would also force me to eat these pills. When my fever wouldn't go down on the fourth day, she and Chai Su threw me in a box full of cold water. It felt like a sharp blade going through my body. I remember screaming and screaming and thrashing to get out, but Chai Su and Ying Ma kept holding me down. I was so tired that I just sunk in and fell asleep. I woke up warm. I was wrapped around a blanket and sleeping against Ying Ma. As I slowly wake, Ying Ma took her hand and stroked my hair away from my face. I looked up and she smiled, "Now aren't you feeling better sweety?" Looking at her while she gently held me, my heart was filled with this feeling I haven't felt in a long while. It was like I wanted her like I wanted this moment forever with her. It felt so safe, felt so warm. I wonder if she felt the same.